London — December 22, 2022
The civilized world ERUPTED WITH RAGE when it learned that Prince William, heir to the British throne, shouted, yelled, and/or screamed at his younger brother Harry during a family meeting sometime in the past.
According to Harry, in a scoop delivered on Netflix, the damage of this UNBRIDLED DISPLAY of emotion was nearly unequaled, except when his father (now) King Charles accused him of something Harry claimed he didn’t do while his grandmother (now deceased) Queen Elizabeth apparently failed to come to his (Harry’s) defense but sat quietly in a corner, presumably awake.
“Who does He think He is!?!” Harry was heard to mutter about his father as Charles left the room to actually make HIS OWN CUP OF TEA! The concept of “monarchy” was apparently left out of Harry’s extensive education.
The disagreement presumably occurred in one of the English castles owned by “THE CORPORATION” as the vast holdings of the royal family is known. Or maybe it’s the “The Company.” Or possibly “The Family Jewels.” No, we’ve been informed that the family business is referred to as “The Firm.”
“THE FIRM.” A freedom won by American patriots was not taking this parade of mediocrity too seriously.
Prince William, it should be noted, is next in line for the throne, if his father should ever die. This is why HE wears a military uniform covered with lots of gold braid and shiny medals in public and Harry doesn’t. It’s widely accepted that both boys distinguished themselves in the army or navy or air force or marines while facing great danger to themselves during threats to the very survival of England.
Of course, their royal connections were COMPLETELY UNKNOWN to fellow soldiers or commanding officers.
One possible cause of William’s outburst toward Harry could be the strain of his eventual kingliness, as he seems to be losing his hair and is rarely caught smiling in any photo taken in the last several years, at least since Harry married the American, Meghan Markle.
Harry surmised that William may be envious that he, Harry, a “ginger” in his own words, caught such a beauty as the American actress while William went the acceptable route and had to marry Kate Middleton, the poor lad.
Kate, by the way, was recently named “Colonel of the Irish Guards,” as a result of her vast command of matters military. (I did not make this up.)
The family’s displeasure with Harry is NOT related to the fact his wife Meghan is biracial. There is no evidence of racism anywhere in the royal family, except recently when William’s “crazy godmother” Lady Susan Hussey accosted a British citizen at a ceremony and insisted the Black woman tell Lady Hussey where she “was really from.”
Apparently not believing that a Black woman could possibly be British, when the badgered guest acknowledged her lineage did not originate at Stonehenge, the Lady Hussey exclaimed “There you have it! I knew I was right all along!”
The fact that Harry and Meghan were paid obscene amounts of money to whine about their family on the Netflix camera has not dissuaded a billion Americans from tuning in. The news of a screaming Willie only spiked interest in the dysfunctional Windsors of Buckingham.
In addition to the brow beating by his father, NOW THE KING (finally!), Harry and Meghan apparently believe that William’s staff and possibly Charles’ staff were leaking bad stories about Meghan to the press.
Vicious British tabloids (newspapers to the rest of us) thrive on gossip about their royals. The Sun newspaper recently published an article by Jeremy Clarkson, in which he confessed to grinding his teeth during nighttime fantasies of watching Meghan walk naked through villages of England while people threw excrement at her (I didn’t make this up, either).
In a moment of self-serving contriteness, The Sun removed any evidence from their publication of their poor editorial oversight. Clarkson has not, as of this writing, faced any real penalties for sharing his scatological sexual musings.
He did issue a mealy-mouthed apology for hurting feelings (as if that wasn’t his intent) by blaming his words on another TV show, GAME OF THRONES. (Nope, didn’t make that up, either.)
Other tabloids have specialists whose primary job is to pry secret information out of staff serving the royal family.
“Staff” include those who serve family members, presumably not brushing royal hair except when said hair (Not William’s) might be displayed in parades or while visiting “subjects.” Tasks possibly do include laying out clothes each morning and being “in-the-know.”
This writer is carefully NOT calling anyone who works for the royal family a “servant,” because “servant” would imply subservience to superiors based upon birthright, which of course IS ABSURD.
Meghan, it should be noted, does not have a birthright. But there is no evidence that the royal family looks down on her in anyway. They just wish that Harry had … chosen someone else. As a result, Harry and Meghan had to exile themselves to Los Angeles, a city somewhere between British Columbia and the British Virgin Islands.
We should be relieved that in America, no similar institution as “royalty” exists. Hunter Biden and Ivanka Trump, along with her brothers Don Jr. and Eric, are clearly a cut above the British Royals, since these Americans each achieved THEIR success by inheriting it.
So there you have it.
Not making things up gives me great pleasure enjoying your wit. Have you not been told that liberals have no sense of humor? Ah, your excuse is OWL, meanwhile I remain just old and am an old school liberal. I find it difficult to hate anyone as I find my many faults but poor Prince Harry. A sad state for what was once a promising young man.
There has never been a more succinct critique of monarchy delivered in the history of political theory than that given by Dennis the Peasant:
"You can't expect to wield supreme power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!”