By Erik Dolson
Jack Teixeira, 21 but seemingly barely more than a boy, was taken into custody today in Massachusetts by 1,776 soldiers, military police, national guard, state police, local police, SWAT teams and Interpol.
His mother had called authorities and said Jack was ready to surrender in their once-peaceful neighborhood.
A nuclear submarine was put on stand-by along the east coast of the Untied States and airspace from Maine to Florida was declared a no-fly zone while the operation was underway. Members of Congress were rushed into secure underground facilities.
As she was being pushed into a bunker, Republican Marjory Taylor Greene blurted out “This child is a national hero because he damaged the United States while a Democrat was in the White House! He was only arrested because he is a White, Christian, male believing in the Republican cause. He should not be considered a criminal!
“Above all, we should not let Christian-hating Democrats who despise men, youth, and White people make this political!” Greene said as she bit the head off a rat that had taken refuge from her invective under a bunk she shared with Mat Gaetz of Florida.
Investigators have learned that Teixeira apparently had been bragging to a group of young teens about his knowledge of national secrets, national defense and guns. He was considered the leader of their online chat room, comprised of boys who liked the same video game.
It has not yet been revealed how Teixeira was privy to documents concerning national security, files about the War in Ukraine, details of spying by the U.S. government on friendly nations, revelations about the Pope in a white puffy jacket, photos of tongue-sucking by the Dali Lama, speculations about how the Kardashians intend to remain relevant, as well as hints about the inner-most worries of Harry and Meghan.
Several Democrats and most of the liberal media were calling for more laws to layer on top of laws already in existence that would add to restrictions already in place that prevent flexibility in effectively identifying situations where unstable young men might possibly be denied access to documents that could conceivably damage the interests of the United States around the world just because they want to show off to their preadolescent peers.
“Countries get the security they deserve,” said one grizzled general, near retirement and speaking on the condition of anonymity while he was hoping for a gig on Fox or MSNBC.
Very good! Wish I hadn't missed that!
You missed the part where it was the press who discovered this fine patriot. Their extensive investigation involving detailed twitter following despite Musk's efforts to silence them, led to reporting to the Ministry of Truth. He was not following any approved narrative, thus had to be silenced.