Dear Harry,
I’m sorry to hear about the hardships you’ve endured. I can’t imagine the pain.
Your mother died too young, younger than any mother ever. Your family was not pleased with your choice for a wife. The British tabloids have been unfair. Your brother pushed you onto a dog bowl, apparently. Your father is not proud of you.
Thank you for unloading your grievances these last few weeks. There is nothing I’ve wanted more than your whinging.
Your mother died in a tragic car accident. I’m sorry for your loss, and feel badly you and your brother Willie fantasized that she wasn’t dead and would come for you someday. Where was your nanny during this grieving? Your father was, ahem, otherwise occupied, I hear.
My god, I don’t know how you even face each day. Why, I was just thinking about Ukrainian families whose children were stolen by Rachists (Russian fascists) and sent off to live with families in Siberia, their mothers left wailing in cities destroyed by non-stop shelling.
Why?!? One less mouth to feed! The children, who they may never see again, are safe from the war — at least until Putin mobilizes those age 7 and older.
I was reading that China is facing a COVID disaster, that a million of unvaccinated Chinese may die. But the most vulnerable are old and non-productive. The global supply chain will recover, eventually. Compared to what you’ve been through, Harry, why is that even in the news?
Germany’s industrial base may be threatened by a lack of natural gas, now that the U.S. has blown up both Nordstream pipelines. You hadn’t heard? It hasn’t been investigated yet by the main stream media because, thank God, they’ve had you to write about.
Never mind who did it, those explosions reduced Germany’s incentive to play nice with the Rachists of Mordor. European unemployment and a lack of heat in winter can not compare to William giving you a shove and you falling down. Egads, how dare he? No one has faced anything like the hardships you’ve endured.
Harry, you’ve no doubt read that probably 100,000 Ukrainians have been killed or lost arms or legs in a war not too far away from the castles where you grew up. Their misery can be added to that of 400,000 helpless Russian conscripts serving their country as cannon fodder. I know they would be inspired if you were to live with them for months in a trench carved into frozen mud with artillery shells pounding down all around you. You! A Royal!
On the subject of war, let’s not forget you bragging about killing 25 Taliban fighters from a well-protected helicopter. Did you learn to brag surrounded by real soldiers? As to the danger to your family caused by that macho recollection — not important! You are such the hero in your self-absorption!
Your dad was probably right that getting into a fight with the British press is a “suicide mission.” Still, what Jeremy Clarkson said about watching your wife walk naked through every town in England while people pelted her with shit was obviously the fantasy of a scatoerotic pervert (who still has a job!).
But you handled that with all the perspective you’ve shown everywhere else in these last few weeks (it feels like years!): You complained that your family didn’t do more in response. Oh, the courage! Let no one detract from the legacy you leave your children!
You putz.