by Erik Dolson
I wish officials hadn’t named the new COVID variant “Omicron.”
Couldn’t we have called it “Phillip?” How about “Lois?” Okay, human names might not be appropriate. But still.
Omicron sounds so threatening, so futurely (yes, made up word). Like it’s an all-powerful robot virus that skipped from the future down the river of time to reduce the population of Earth.
Omicron even starts the same as “ominous.”
Agreed, “B.1.1.529” was a little unwieldy. But “Five-two-niner” would have worked. That has an almost military flavor that implies seriousness but also that the situation will soon be brought under control.
Omicron? How do we fight Omicron? Omicron knows what we will do before we even think to do it. It’s from the future, right? The variant has like 26 mutations already, but the name “Omicron” sounds like if we drop a vaccine on its spike protein, Omicron will transform into a muppet right there in the microscope, then change back into a lethal replicating robot in our veins as soon as the coast is clear.
It’s bad enough we have to constantly hear the word “mutation” when talking about “variants.” Now, “variants” is a very good word to use. Like “neighbors.” We can talk about new neighbors all day and no one knows how to feel.
Until someone says, “They have two Volvos in the driveway.” Now we feel differently about that neighbor than we do about the other new neighbor who “has a truck parked on the lawn that needs a ladder to get in and drive.”
“Neighbors” is not scary, nor is “variant.” Yet. But “mutant?” or “mutation?” Mutants happen outside of design, they are created by other-worldly forces — or worse, by chaos itself! Nobody knows where chaos is coming from next or what it will do, right? Otherwise, it wouldn’t be … never mind.
Names are important. We should not give lethal viruses scary names. It just makes everything about having a new variant loose on the planet much worse.
Next time we have to name a lethal viral mutation, we should call it “Peaches.”
Omicron sounds like a Marvel villian
Dr. Angelique Coetzee, South Africa:
"It presents mild disease with symptoms being sore muscles and tiredness for a day or two not feeling well. So far, we have detected that those infected do not suffer the loss of taste or smell. They might have a slight cough. There are no prominent symptoms. Of those infected some are currently being treated at home."
Peaches.